As therapists in Cincinnati, we often work with clients who have experienced trauma in their lives, including attachment trauma. Let’s discuss what attachment trauma is, how to deal with it, and how to get help.
Attachment trauma is when someone important in your life, like a parent or caregiver, is not there for you in the way that you need them to be. This can happen in many ways. For example, if a parent is always busy, not around, or often doesn’t pay attention to their child, a child might feel like they don't matter to their parent, or that they are not “good enough” for their parent to love them. If a parent is often angry or violent, a child might feel like they have to always be careful to not make their parent mad. These experiences can cause attachment trauma by making it hard for this child to connect to people and form healthy connections when they get older.
Attachment trauma can have long-lasting effects on a person's mental health and relationships by making it hard to have healthy relationships and to feel good about yourself. Let’s discuss some signs of unhealed attachment trauma and what you can do if you recognize these signs in yourself or someone you know:
Difficulty with Trust and Intimacy
One of the most common signs of unhealed attachment trauma is struggling with trusting people and getting close to them. This is because when someone important to you is not there for you, it can feel like no one will ever be there for you. This can make it hard to feel safe and to feel like you can rely on others. You may experience this as a fear of getting close to others, reluctance to share personal information, or feeling uncomfortable with physical touch. In addition, it may be hard to enjoy sex and it may feel like something you just have to get through.
If you find yourself struggling to create close relationships or have a history of sabotaging relationships, it may be a sign that you have unhealed attachment trauma. Working with a therapist can help you explore these patterns and develop strategies for building trust and intimacy in your relationships.
A Pattern of Toxic Relationships
Because there is a deep need for connection when someone has experienced attachment trauma, it’s common for people to be in relationships that are toxic and unhealthy. Quite simply, the need for love and acceptance is often so strong that it’s hard to others to fully fill the void that the person with attachment trauma has. In addition, people with attachment trauma are often attracted to people who are not healthy and cannot give them the love and acceptance they so desperately crave. This makes their need for love even stronger and creates a cycle of hope and excitement, only to be followed and hurt and deep hurt. Why exactly this happens is beyond the scope of this blog post, but it’s a very common pattern.
If you have been in multiple relationships or friendships that have been unhealthy, it may be a good idea to reach out to a therapist and see why this is happening.
Fear of Abandonment
Another sign of attachment trauma is feeling scared that someone will leave you. You may feel anxious or panicked when a partner or friend is out of reach or worry that others will leave you if you don't do everything right. This fear can be so strong that it makes it hard to let yourself get close to anyone, and you might worry that if you get close to someone, they will eventually leave you. Because of this fear, some people tell themselves that they would rather just be by themselves instead of connecting to others.
If you struggle with this fear, it can be helpful to explore the underlying reasons for it. Often, this fear is rooted in past experiences of abandonment or loss. Working with a therapist can help you process these experiences and develop coping skills to manage your fears.
Difficulty with Emotion Regulation
Attachment trauma can also make it hard to control your feelings. When you have had experiences where you didn't feel safe or didn't have someone to talk to, it can be hard to know how to manage your emotions. You might feel like your emotions are out of control and that you can't calm down when you get upset.
If you find yourself struggling with these issues, it can be helpful to work with a therapist who can help you develop skills for managing your emotions. This might include strategies for self-soothing, mindfulness practices, or learning how to express your emotions in a healthy and constructive way.
Negative Self-Image
Another sign of attachment trauma is thinking badly about yourself. When someone important in your life is not there for you, it can feel like there is something wrong with you or that you are unlovable. You might feel like you're not good enough or that you don't deserve good things. You may have a strong inner critic that constantly berates you and makes you feel bad about yourself. These feelings can be very strong and can make it hard to feel good about yourself.
If you struggle with negative self-image, it can be helpful to challenge these beliefs which are often rooted in past experiences. Working with a therapist can help you challenge these beliefs and develop a more positive self-image.
Difficulty with Boundaries
Finally, attachment trauma can make it hard to set boundaries with others. When you have had experiences where you didn't feel safe or didn't have someone to talk to, it can be hard to know how to say "no" to people or tell them when they've gone too far. This can lead to unhealthy relationships where you are taken advantage of, or don’t feel respected. This in turn can make it hard to have healthy relationships.
If you struggle with these issues, it can be helpful to work with a therapist who can help you develop healthy boundaries. This might include strategies for setting limits, learning to say no, or exploring the underlying reasons for your difficulty with boundaries.
Can I Be Helped?
If you struggle with attachment trauma and live in the Cincinnati area, or Ohio in general, it can be lifechanging to work with a properly trained mental health professional. One of the most unfortunate parts about people with attachment trauma is that they have what we call “core negative beliefs” that influence how they feel about themselves and others. However, these beliefs are simply false. It’s a shame to live our lives based on these lies that we have learned to believe, and a trained therapist can help you take a better look at the thoughts that drive how you feel.
How Do I Find Help In Cincinnati?
While seeing a therapist for attachment trauma can quite simply help transform your life, it’s important to know how to find the help you need in the Cincinnati area. Being able to help people with attachment trauma requires specialized training, and so it’s important to ask any therapist that you are considering working with if they have training and experience in treating attachment trauma.
A good place to start is by looking for therapists in Cincinnati who are trained in treating trauma, including those that are trained in EMDR. While attachment trauma is a form of trauma and therefore not every trauma therapist has training in it, many trauma therapists do have training in treating attachment trauma. It’s important to mention as well that while we in Cincinnati have a lot of very talented therapists in the area, including trauma therapists, there are only a handful of therapists in Cincinnati who are trained in and have experience working with attachment trauma.
We at Therapy Cincinnati have lots of experience in treating attachment trauma, and we have several therapists who can help you heal and move forward. With the right support and tools, it is possible to move forward and build healthy, fulfilling relationships. Reach out today to get started with one of our therapists!